Moving Home: Shifting To A Senior Living Community

Rajiv Desai shares his experience of a senior living community his mother lives in, with guidelines on what to expect when a loved one is making the move.

I joined a special community lunch served on banana leaves on the auspicious occasion of Ugadi at my mother’s newish senior living community home outside of Bangalore. As I sat amongst several senior citizens at the U-shaped table in the community hall, relishing the festive food, I had an excellent conversation with the uncle beside me. He had been living there for about six years. We discussed his service in the military, the current controversies with Carnatic music in India, his children who live in California, and of course, my mother, who was sitting on my other side, busy chatting with her friend. 

Uncle said, “You know, Rajiv – when your mother came to this building two years ago, my wife and I were worried, it would be hard for her to adjust since most of us in the group already knew each other and she was the newcomer. But she has settled in so well and is so social. Such a positive attitude she has – always mingling and still exploring the world. Hats off to her.” As a virtual caregiver to Ma, I smiled the same smile a parent would have in getting a good report from their child’s schoolteacher.  

Ma moved to this community two years ago and is still happy with her decision. Several such senior living communities have popped up around Bangalore and elsewhere in India recently. Conceptually, they’re all similar – residential communities aimed exclusively at the 55+ population; designed to cater to their needs – from medical to social, convenience to community. Almost all of them have comparable features, benefits and resources. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to navigate this new landscape for our silver loved ones. 

Popular features include medical attention on-site (including nurses, access to doctors, ambulance on-site, daily vitals check, etc.); cafeteria serving daily meals with optional participation; on-premises facilities like a community room, games, gym, movie screenings, holiday events; concierge services helping with transport, utilities and home repairs, among other offers. The apartments are designed with senior care in mind, including emergency alarms in all rooms, wider doors and showers for wheelchairs. Some properties have certain luxury amenities too like salons, spas, etc. Ultimately, the focus is to reduce hassle, fatigue, and inconvenience for the senior community, while providing them with similar-aged peers. 

Ma first learned about such communities in 2019 through her active participation with Silver Talkies, when they organised a trip to see a similar property in South Bangalore. Papa had passed away in 2018 and the idea of a community of like-minded and similar-aged individuals, in a simpler, down-sized living environment, resonated with Ma.

Over the next year or so, Ma visited several other properties. I too visited one of them and quickly learned that in addition to the onsite facilities, amenities, and benefits (aka the “hard product”), a vital criterion would be the “soft product” or the social dynamics of such communities. So, when Ma visited Brigade Parkside Retirement Homes in Devanahalli (north of Bangalore, past the airport), she was excited and ready to buy. I convinced her to do a trial stay first. She rented a furnished one-bedroom apartment for three months and loved the experience. The community was welcoming, conversed in different languages and possessed a strong sense of respectful camaraderie, which was important for me in Ma’s next chapter. Luckily for her, a two-bedroom/-two-bathroom apartment went on sale, and she permanently moved there in 2022.

Two years later, Ma is still happy here and shares, “I like the people here – many of the residents here are in my age bracket even within the senior citizen group. I also relate a lot with them, many of whom are now my close friends.”

Given that I live far away in Germany, I am in touch directly with the property’s management and healthcare staff for updates and emergencies.

Having seen her experience life there and having stayed there a few times, here are some things to keep in mind for anyone considering such communities for their next chapter or the next phase of their senior loved ones.

1. Showing Self-Initiative: Almost everyone in these communities chose to move there themselves. Like forcing kids to go to a boarding school, I don’t think it is helpful for adults to coerce their parent(s) to move there. The decision-making should be mutual. I highly recommend a few months' trial before making the big leap into such communities.  

2. Building Community: It is also important to evaluate levels of extroversion to figure out how to gel with the people already residing there. Some properties are designed to promote socialising with evening socials and open sofas for conversation as part of the design. Other communities with garden-style houses and spaced-out facilities might be better for introverts who are content reading and doing their hobbies at home.  

3. Willing to Simplify: It is helpful to not be too attached to belongings when moving into smaller community apartments. I helped Ma downsize furniture and belongings from a large 3BR/3BA apartment to a smaller 2BR/2BA apartment – essentially, getting rid of over 40 per cent of her stuff.  

4. Staying in Touch: Many senior living communities are a bit outside of the city. Hence, senior citizens living there must be ok with travelling longer distances to stay in touch with family/ friends and focus on building new relationships in the new community. Smaller apartments also mean a lesser possibility of family and loved ones being able to stay as guests in the same apartment.  

5. Managing Grief: One of the hardest lessons for me in the past two years was the near-constant frequency of fellow residents passing away in Ma’s community. Given that they are senior citizens, this is a given, but it might hit differently for those who might still be grieving the losses of their loved ones. Along the same sentiment, I was also worried that Ma would be one of the few single people in a community of couples. But as it turns out, the number of single and coupled senior citizens is well balanced.  

6. Evaluating Healthcare: While there is no one-size-fits-all for healthcare, especially for the silver population, care must be given to see if these places can smoothly work for those with special healthcare needs at least for a few years.  

7. Calculating Finances: While these apartments are smaller, and often cheaper than real estate in Bangalore, variable monthly costs like administrative fees, and travel to/from the city need to be kept in mind. These expenses might be higher so careful financial planning is a key for this new chapter.

My sister and I are quickly learning that the silver years are not a monolith and the 45+ possible years that constitute senior citizenship can easily have multiple phases of needs. These could be not just healthcare but the full spectrum of senior wellness, as beautifully described in the book, Rethink Ageing by Nidhi Chawla and Reshmi Chakraborty, a must-read for anyone giving care to senior citizens. To make this a successful decision, anyone considering these senior living communities should keep various forms of wellness in mind.

Humans are conditioned to have the support of their village and these senior-focused residential communities provide that village for senior citizens like my mother to survive and thrive. It also gives me and my sister, living overseas, more peace of mind. To quote Ma, “Just come and stay, and experience the place for yourself.”